New Michigan Wine Shipping Bill Introduced

Detroit (AP) – Michigan state senator Phil Coffers has introduced legislation that would bar wineries from any state, including Michigan, to ship to Michigan citizens. Speaking from the lobby of the Four Seasons in Kahului, Hawaii, the senator outlined the reasoning behind his bill. “Basically my bill, which we’ve dubbed “Won't someone please think of the children?” is about protecting our children,” Coffers said. “My bill will also provide for a strike force that will attempt to buy fine wines from wineries and have them shipped to minors. We will then arrest the perpetrators and have them jailed. I have been working with a number of Michigan liquor distributors on funding this task force which will be created by my bill and operate under the jurisdiction of a coalition of Michigan liquor distributors.”

When asked whether the department would conduct sting operations on “bricks and mortar” liquor stores, drug stores, and grocery stores, the senator said “we’re looking into that, but we currently don’t see that as much of a problem. Kids just don’t buy booze like that anymore, today’s underage drinker is more sophisticated, he or she selects their purchases weeks in advance, usually buying high-end wines from California and paying up to $10 per bottle to ship them to their door.”

Oddly, senator Coffer declined further comments and terminated the press conference when a reporter asked about the polo shirt that Coffer’s wife was wearing with the logo 'WSWA' on it saying “that’s all the time we have today, my wife and I have a VIP cocktail party to attend. Thank you for your time.”