Thursday, December 21, 2006

Solstice "To Do List"

What a Special Day! The Solstice is here!!!
To do list:

  • wake 2 hours before sunrise to gather fresh spring water for dynamization: trudge 1 mile back to farm from spring
  • fill copper kettles with fresh water & dynamize
  • stand behind cow to gather fresh "poo" - take care not to slip in yesterday's "poo"...
  • take magical cow horns off shelf, and pack with freshly gathered "poo"
  • bury magical horn filled with "poo" (ensure it's in a East-West orientation, with the wide opening pointing east so the horn will "catch" all of the incoming cosmic energy...)
  • wash hands with dynamized water (only homemade nettle-flower soap to be used) to get rid of excess "poo"
  • dig up last year's magical horns of sand (silica) - being exceptionally careful not to spill any of it's supercharged contents on the open ground for fear of causing an eathquake or dry lightning storm
  • remove charged silica to leyden jars to provide zero-emission electricity for the dark winter months; keep out 1 pound to use for seasoning soups and tofu dishes in the coming cold months
  • yoke oxen for mowing between rows of grapevines
  • gather thistles to feed oxen
  • force feed oxen thistles: administer 1 live trout down the throat of each oxen to incrrease it's fertility
  • take oxen to the vet to have stomaches pumped
  • go to emergency room for trampled feet and oxen-bitten hand wounds
  • gather wooly-worms to shear for clothing....
Too much time and too little to do! No, wait....reverse that!


Anonymous Fredric Koeppel said...

Just now read this. Hilarious! All these winery owners and winemakers rushing in droves to "biodynamize" their vineyards should be forced to write this on the chalkboard 100 times. Keep resisting this noxious trend!
btw, i have a new blog:
take a look when you get a chance.

January 11, 2007 9:57 AM  
Anonymous Fredric Koeppel said...

oops, correction:

(im still not used to writing net instead of com. there may be a joke in that.)

January 11, 2007 9:59 AM  

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