Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Biggest bottle - ever!

"Biggest Bottle of Wine ever produced in Australia Exported to USA."

New York - Biggest bottle ever to leave the Southern Hemisphere filled with Aussie Shiraz, results in immediate wine shortage on the Australian continent. Aussie producers herald the idea as a new way to use up excess supply of Alice Springs Sparkling Grenache, or other non-market performing blends to help keep the bulk market in balance.

"What really put the corker on the deal, was the slogan Yanks had coined years ago: one bottle a day is all we ask", says Richard "Dickie Bull" Bulldoon, winemaker for Perth Pink Wines, LLC.

"...mind you", Dickie continued, "repeat sales are a bit soft, but we're comin' out ahead with each sales."

"Plus we can market ourselves as a small boutique winery since we only have enough wine to fill a thousand of these bottles each year, so the snob factor works on two levels: not only do you own the biggest bottles ever made (as well as a full tenth-of-a-percent of the annual output of New South Wales), you also own a bottle from a producer who has a client list with only a thousand entries on it. No mass mailings here, eh?! Each one has it's own container to be shipped in, usually by bulk sea carrier. But I'm sure they taste exactly the same as they would if you drank one right at the winery - even though they've gone through the tropics & Panama to get to you..."

"...and best of all, you never have any of these babies returned to the winery! I'll tell you that will never happen, not at a ton [metric] each! And who cares 'bout wine quality either?! By the time they drag the cork out of that monster, they're so tired they'd drink any old swill or plonk...
Say, we're still off the record, right mate?"


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November 25, 2009 7:23 AM  

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